they all HATE you a n y w a y s { Kai }

He counted five hundred and fifty tiles. That was how many tiles there were in the small room where he spent his days. They were stacked neatly, side by side, on the ceiling. Nothing overlapped and none were missing. It was perfect order.

Havoc knew how many steps it took to reach the bathroom as well. And the lunchroom. They all had their own unique numbers. Counting- it kept him from hearing those incessant voices. He knew that he was Havoc now, so the angry voice inside of him barked less and did more. He had wanted him to kill his parents. Sorrow and Guilt still moaned their unhappy song in his ears, but it was so difficult to find sharp objects in Griffenhill. They were purposefully kept away from inmates.

Havoc pulled himself into a sitting position and glanced down at his pale arms. Fifty-one scars, some old, some healing. He wrinkled his nose. It was such an odd number that part of him shifted in unease. He'd need to fix that or he couldn't go to sleep that night. Havoc blinked and looked over to where his roommate slept. Maybe Jae would have something he could use.

Jae rolled over in bed, mumbling something about unicorns raping him while his arm fell over the side of his bed and his long hair created a curtain between his face and the real world.

Havoc didn't see the point in waking him up, so he sat up and hopped off his bed. If Jae had something sharp, he'd just find it himself. He quietly walked over to Jae's side of the room, dark eyes flicking around.

Jae slowly woke up with a sharp breath, eyes snapping open. Because of being constantly victimized, he had become a light sleeper, and could always tell when people were near him while he was vulnerable so that he could protect himself.

Sitting up, he looked at Havoc with hair falling into his eyes. "What are you doing?"

He doesn't have a guilty look on his face when Jae addresses him. In fact, Havoc glanced over at him, though he never stopped his search, "I'm looking for something sharp. Do you have something?"

Jae gaped. "No! Are you kidding me?!" He sat up completely, throwing the covers off of his body and throwing his legs over the side of his bed. "We're not supposed to be violent, whether it's with ourselves or with someone else! If you want to cut something, then wait until this morning and go into the slaughterhouse."

Something inside of Havoc twisted uncomfortably and his lips twitched, "Fifty-one is too odd a number," he murmured, clenching his hands into fists, "I can't wait that long."

Jae sighed and rubbed his face in exhaustion with his hands. "Havoc, you're going to have to. I don't have anything sharp for you to use, and I refuse to let you cut yourself while I'm in the same room doing nothing about it. Maybe what you need is to distract your mind from whatever's bothering you." He crossed his legs Indian style on his bed, covering his lap with his blanket and looking up at him. "What is it that's bothering you? Maybe I can help."

"You can't make them go away," Havoc shook his head, his movements jerky. He shuffled back over to his own bed, scratching at the marks on his arm. He perched on the edge of the bed, knowing that nothing would help him sleep tonight. Not until he changed that stupid number.

"You don't know that." He shook his head. He wasn't going to give up until Havoc either fell asleep or was distracted. He wasn't comfortable with a suicidal roommate. "What is bothering you?"

Havoc narrowed his dark eyes at Jae and leaned forward a bit, "You don't hear them, do you?"

Jae blinked repeatedly. Hear them? Did he mean the ghost voices? The sounds of the doors banging when there was no one down those halls? "The ghosts?"

He gritted his teeth, "Tch, I knew you didn't. No one else I've talked to does either. But I always have. Sorrow and Guilt and Havoc...no, wait. I am Havoc now," He growled and scratched harder. Where was a damn razor blade or piece of metal when he needed it?

Jae leaped from his bed and tackled Havoc, pinning his wrists against his chest. "Stop it!" He hissed at him, glaring down at him. "I know you must be in a tough place right now, but you can't start freaking out right now. Do you want them to take you away? To lock you away where you'll be tormented even more by these 'voices'? These 'people'? If you freak out now, that's what they'll do!"

"Let go of me!" Havoc roared, writhing beneath him. He kicked his legs out and all his movement caused the springs in his mattress to creak and groan. Being restrained always made him panic, which is why he always stayed in solitary longer than necessary. Because the Havoc side of him flared up. He bared his teeth up at Jae, looking more like an animal than a person.

Jae glared down at him. "I'll let you go if you stop freaking out. It's 2 AM. It's time to sleep. We'll deal with your incessant masochistic side tomorrow morning. I am more than a little upset that you woke me up for this."

Havoc thrashed again and jerked his head up, trying to snap at his face, "Get off of me!"

Jae rolled his eyes and got off of him, but didn't head back to bed. He walked to the door. "Freak." He muttered. "Can't believe I have to stay here with these people." He stalked down the corridor without a care in the world for getting caught, heading up to the rooftop to spend some alone time. And possibly consider his death.

Havoc scowled and sat up, rubbing his wrists. He hated being touched like that. Especially by other inmates. That was something guards did and it seemed cruel.

[ what now... ]

( Skip to morning? )

Morning never actually looked like morning. There was no sunlight to let the inmates know it was time to get up. Just the guards and their 'pleasant' faces. But Havoc was not asleep anyways. He was still sitting in his bed, the inside of his arms raw from all the scratching. When the guards came calling, all Havoc did was stand up like he was supposed to.

He was checked over for any concealed weapons or other dangers. Havoc could make most things a weapon. But when the guards noticed Jae's absence, they immediately started barking questions at Havoc. But he didn't know, so all he did was blink at them.

Most guards were unaware, but when he had gone up to the rooftop the last night, he was met by one of the guards who had taken a liking to him, and he in return. Once they shared a minor kiss it was almost as if the gates of hell had been unleashed and they couldn't contain themselves. Which explained why Jae wasn't back in his room (like he usually would do if he was on the roof). He was in the guard's room.

Havoc had no way of knowing about Jae's fling with this guard. It wasn't like he followed him around like some creep. The last time he'd seen his roommate was when he left the room after their little tussle. This being true, he told the guards this, but they didn't seem to believe him. They never did.

Sometimes, he suspected that they just liked kicking around the inmates of Griffenhill. Havoc had done nothing to them- in fact, he was being quite agreeable despite the need to cut his arm open- and yet they treated him like a dog. The abuse wasn't something he was unused to. He could take punches and kicks. The only problem was that he wasn't sure if they'd stop until Jae was found. And who knew when that would be.

Jae hummed as he fixed his hair while walking down the hall to his room. Blinking in surprise at the guards, he nibbled on his lip nervously and bowed his head, trying to look inconspicuous. It wasn't only the inmates that took advantage of his fragile form and vulnerability. And these were the guards that he considered 'rape enemies'.